Hello, and welcome to my first blog, born out of a desire to put my story and recommended marriage blessing/saving resources in one place, to help even more families, as well as hold me accountable for taking my own advice. There’s nothing like teaching others to learn more and obey God better yourself.
At this writing, fall 2014, I am a wife of 21 years (May 23, 1993), together with my man a total of 25 (Aug 8, 1989), mother of 4, ages 8, 11, 14, 17. My journey to learn about why romances, especially marriages, break up, started at 11 when my little comfortable world became quite uncomfortable for a time. My dad moved out. “Your mother and I are getting a divorce. I don’t love your mother any more.” And that was that.
I will get into more detail about my own little love life later, because to understand why love fails, you need to know why it starts, and what foundation it rests on. But the bottom line is, I learned straight from the Creator of Heaven and Earth Himself, the Creator of Love, the God of love who IS love…why love fails, and I’m excited to be able to share this critical wisdom with all who have ears to hear. All I had to to is sincerely ask, and I got an instant answer.
Unfortunately, to be willing to sincerely, whole heartedly, expectantly ask this crucial question of God, why does love fail, I myself had to experience that most painful failing of “love.” Until that fateful day, I only distractedly wondered. It was the day my husband believed with all his being that we needed to get a divorce, and wanted ME to move out. Interesting. Good thing I’m stubborn. He drove off and I was driven to my knees, my first real prayer, my first real conversation with God, after years of church attendance and Bible study. Nothing like a serious problem to get you to seriously pray.
So there I was, scared kids hiding under their beds upstairs, (we had been loud, again), husband not there to distract me from prayer, a kind of bumbling prayer, too weak to stand or sit in a chair…”What just happened? Lord, we started out so good. What happened to our love?”
Go watch your wedding video.
“Are you kidding? I do NOT want to watch that, makes me angry just thinking about it. I don’t even know if I can find it in that mess.”
So I go, and watch, and see all the smiling people, us included, so ignorant of what the future holds. “Love is patient, love is kind,…blah blah blah…Love never fails.”
“Love never fails, Lord? Well, ours did. WHAT are you TALKING about?!?”
Get the dictionary and look up love.
I immediately obey this time, very curious…I had never heard from God so obviously before. In the dictionary, I read about emotions, hormones…hmmm…basically just like and lust, but no commitment of any kind, especially not the lifelong unconditional commitment we promised on our wedding day. THAT’S IT!!!!!! I’ve got the wrong kind of love in my heart. Lord, please give me your kind to give to my husband.
I was soooo excited! The next morning, I told my husband all about my experience. He’s not sure if God is even real, and seemed less sure about my new “love”.
“Oh, you’d give up on me if I beat you up all the time.”
No I wouldn’t. I might have to visit you in jail, but I’d never divorce you or give up on you. You could cheat on me with 50 women and I’d never divorce you. I can’t give up on you. I have unconditional love to give you now. It’s what I promised, and God will help me.
Boy, I thought he’d get emotional and hug me and it would be happy ever after. It’s been 7 1/2 years since that horrible day, and I have to say that I JUST this last few weeks decided to end all arguing of any sort, all rudeness, all expectations of anything going my way even if it is much wiser of an idea here and there. Last November I succeeded in deciding and ending all financial arguments 100%. We had argued mostly about money all along, but there were other things worthy of being seriously unhappy about that I permitted arguing to happen. Schedule, parenting, romance, pets, all kinds of things. You know, it’s NOT possible to be rude at the same time as worshiping God? I’m still learning how to pray without ceasing, to walk after the Spirit instead of after the flesh (emotions included).
My instant success at ending the financial arguing in a bold unique way last November (2013), gave me confidence to try to eliminate the parenting arguing. That was a little tougher. Parenting requires more teamwork than managing money. I can refuse to be involved with any financial decisions or bill paying to bring peace, but I can’t stop being a mom. I homeschool them all day, and he wants me to continue homeschooling, and getting them to do their chores. But I’m learning to do what I can, and let go of the rest, and not do more than I have control over, to keep the peace, rather than pushing pushing pushing for change and help, which usually makes him feel like a failure, which starts the argument.
I want to be a good news wife. I will give more detail later of my transformation to being a good news wife. It’s still a work in progress, as well, but the worst of my folly is behind me. Old habits die hard. As I take in the Truth in God’s Word more and more, old habits lose their power. I see the dangers more easily, more thoroughly, more convincingly. It is critical to learn what the consequences for wrong choices are, to strengthen yourself against the temptations of the devil to ruin your marriage and influence on others. You can just obey God’s commands for wives without thinking about it, but most people aren’t like that. Even God welcomes us in Isaiah to come reason with Him, and He promises to cleanse us from sin and make us white as snow, to be a bride for Him, not just our earthly man who may or may not deserve what God commands us to offer him. No matter. God rewards the obedient one way or another, not always the way we expect, but it is glorious anyway, glory to God and glory for us, now and for all Eternity.
Come explore what it means to become a Winsome Wife, at any stage of your life, thinking ahead, living now, or to be known as a woman who honored her man even after his death, if that be the Lord’s will that he go first. I certainly don’t want to be known as wearing him out, sending him to an early grave because of being difficult or not helping him be healthy as far as it was up to me. I seek to learn more with this blog than to teach. I welcome wisdom for myself and for the benefit of other readers. Let the Lord’s Words be on our heart as we share.
In His Grip, your sister in the Lord Jesus,
Amy West, Ohio
p.s. Since this blog is free, there may appear an unendorsed ad that I don’t know what shows up, so sorry if it is bothersome.